SELF-TRUST

Self-trust builds on 'basic trust', founded on parental love in the early stages, according to clinical psychological experience and research. Natural confidence comes of the development of a child's self-regulation, the ability gradually to decide more for oneself as one learns to exercise self-discipline and responsibility.

Self-trust is the basis of self-transformation. Worldly confidence comes from positive achievements etc. in the physical and social environment, this outer-based confidence will not last forever as it is not founded on self-realisation.

The traditional view of self-trust as a quality derived from positive interaction with the physical and social environments is a mainly externally-motivated form, not necessarily founded on inner qualities. Self-evidently, one's 'inner qualities' begin to develop form the earliest years and are also formed only after interaction with the environment. Yet it is through self-discipline, reflection and sometimes introspection that 'inner' qualities arise. A strong sense of faith in oneself requires some recognition at some level of our being of meaning and purpose in life, identifying with what we can call 'higher aims'. The eventual development of conviction as to one's purpose in life affects one's entire outlook and temperament, and personal fulfilment and self-confidence tend to waver up and down according to changes, setbacks and developments in one's deeper convictions.

If one does not know enough about one's own nature and its inherent possibilities of good or wholesome development, the idea of changing oneself will be without positive inspiration and the goals may be too uncertain and vague to be fruitful. This admits, of course, that there are also deleterious forms of human development which amount to stagnation or regression. The extent of a person's self-trust is obviously affected by childhood experience, though which events affect which children in which ways cannot be fixated by empirical studies. What might crush one child, may roll of the back of another like water off a duck. Likewise, what may elevate another can be misunderstood and engender mistrust and cramp the personality of another. This is nonetheless an area requiring very extensive case study of a deep kind. It can be developed through the reading of quality biographical literature, convincing 'serious' fiction as much as through psychological works and researches.

The ideas about the human self put forward by any psychology or therapy can itself influence the experience and self-image of people who accept it. Those who study or read about psychology to find out about themselves, including psychologists and their clients or patients, can be misled into adopting a narrow or otherwise distorted self-image if the true nature of the human being and our developmental potentialities are not properly represented. Even though Freudian thought served to bring taboo subjects more into the daylight, the impact of its mainly pessimistic world-view - its so-called 'realism' - and its highly speculative and now discredited sides (polymorphous perversity, inherent death-wish etc.) have had a considerable negative impact on 20th century ideas about human nature. The counterpart to this pessimism is becoming more widely recognised: the human possesses or, more precisely is, a spirit that can realise its true, eternal nature. This was recognised by C.G. Jung, whose psychology has long been filling the spiritual vacuum left by Freud. A basically positive yet realistic view of human nature is itself a necessary basis for self-confidence.

Some of our difficulties in life are due more to strictly objective conditions, some more to one's own personal tastes, attitudes, feelings, opinions. The former require outward action and the latter self-investigation. It may or may not be within our power to change given outer conditions. More usually, a problem consists in a closely bound-up inter-dependence of both external and internal conditions. Yet we may seek the causes of ills that surround us anywhere but in ourselves. It is as if they could be 'neutralised' by putting blame elsewhere, by complaining and expecting or hoping others will correct or somehow make amends for them. Though much indeed is wrong with human society, 'solving the world's problems' is not done by complaints and laying blame on others. Those problems are invariably much closer to home.

The manner in which we may mentally transfer our failings onto others can be very subtle indeed. So one good reason for self-examination is that, if a problem depends on one's subjective failings, at least the solution lies within one's own sphere. Any improvement also leads to increased self-confidence. Such self esteem, seen as the opposite of self-destruction or self-hate, is not to take pride in oneself. It arises from natural propensity and develops with personal achievements.

The proponents of self-esteem often quote the slogan, 'if you cannot love yourself, you cannot love anyone else'. One main problem with this is that it tends to put the cart before the horse, for the converse is even more true. There are at least two different kinds of self-confidence, the selfish or the genuine. Selfish self-confidence is to feel good about oneself without backing this up by the requisite good behaviour. It often depends upon a temporary emotional mood, rather than solid achievements. To feel good at someone else's expense or relative misfortune is an example. One takes pleasure in the ego and seeks only its own satisfaction or apparent happiness. But only a person who always behaves well in thought, word and deed has genuine cause for self esteem, for that person realises or 'makes real' in behaviour those qualities that are its only valid basis. Genuine self esteem is only felt when one knows within that one's intentions were truly good and one therefore acted rightly in full accordance with the aim.

Self-trust, or healthy love of self, is the basis of an untroubled mind and an effective personality. But love of self may to some mean cultivation of the ego and narcissism. A person who is self-confident, whatever he or she may do or have done, may just be acting from self interest and not doing sufficient self-inquiry. Persons who never feel guilt could well be over confident and devoid of conscience. Not to be willing to examine oneself is the essence of self importance, as distinct from humility, both of which are quite visible characteristics in a person's behaviour. Selfish persons usually have the highest regard for themselves, even adopting an air of superiority.

In the West, especially in the US, a multi-million dollar industry is based on increasing people's self esteem. People pay huge sums to 'self esteem therapists', while research into self esteem and large development programmes have been funded at State level. However, the measurable effects have been shown by many researches to be almost nothing. There is no proof of better school grades, of less violence or crime or of less chronic welfare dependency.² This indicates that self esteem cannot be had simply by going into treatment, joining a healing group or simply changing one's attitudes towards oneself. On TV, taking pills (like Prozac) that enhance a feeling of self-confidence is even hotly debated for and against. In all that, a correct idea of self esteem seems to be lacking.

Self-confidence is closely related to what feeling and image of ourselves we hold. The obvious preference is well-founded self esteem rather than self-denigration. The various ways and means of attaining self-confidence are further discussed later under the heading 'Self-perception and Self-image'.

SELF-ENJOYMENT

Development of all the good faculties of the individual, flowering in a balanced life in which both sense and reason play their appropriate parts, is clearly a positive goal. Such growth relies for its actualisation on self-trust and leads to self-enjoyment. The means whereby one examines the possibilities and limitations of one's abilities, their measure against the optimal standard, and to what extent one has or has not put into practice the prerequisites of self-fulfilment.

Happiness, the experience of self-esteem and self-enjoyment, is usually at first identified with sensory gratification, but this is temporary and can thus lead to unhappiness. This implies that control of the sense organs generally and regulation of bodily desires is necessary in laying the basis for long-term happiness. As insight into oneself deepens, the ephemerality of material satisfactions and comforts is increasingly perceived and one seeks instead to develop those qualities that persist as inner gains independent of externals, such as peace of mind through understanding, righteousness and the love of humanity.

Socrates taught that 'happiness' is the goal of life. The classical Greek philosophers in Socrates' tradition further identified the greater happiness with knowledge, mainly the knowledge of good and ill, right and wrong. The most satisfying knowledge was that of having acted well and rightly. One who knows that one has done a wrong and are not able to right it cannot find equanimity, and this is itself the 'dis-ease' of unhappiness. Peacefulness is an inner or psychic quality of the mind (or rather, the soul), not a physical state. Though this quality may be more or less inherent from childhood in some persons, it is to be achieved through controlling or disciplining the mind.

Satisfaction at oneself arises from achievement. It can often simply mean self-satisfaction through gratifications, whether in control of one's material surroundings and the body (such as in work and sport attainments) or in social fulfilments (such as gaining special recognition by others through achieving status, name or fame). This way of securing a desired self-image or 'ego-identity' depends upon the environment and not primarily on the inner qualities (i.e. not necessarily on one's actual character or extent of self-realisation).

The circumstances of one's surroundings and associations are subject to change through time or even very suddenly. One's personal nature, however, is not subject to rapid change. Building personality solely or mainly on external signs or achievements like possessions, skills or given social relationships is risky, a design for possible personal disaster as soon as those fail or are lost. Only the inner nature can last can become stable in changing circumstances and even eventually reach an unchanging state of equilibrium that even deprivation and pending death do not affect.

Self-enjoyment - being at ease and peace with oneself - is more reliable the more it is derived from inner rather than outer stimulants. It tends to increase and become more stable with age, provided there are no life-changing setbacks which upset it. It arises as a natural consequence of striving to do one's best in the world...in work, life duties. The fulfilment these give are always world-related and thus remain partial unless accompanied by examination or analysis of self leading to higher self-realisation.

The relative degrees of self-enjoyment attained from external and internal factors by differing people with various attitudes provide a vital and fruitful area for future empirical psychological and social research, one that can have valid and valuable practical applications for psychic health and social stability. The same applies in the case of self-sacrifice.

SELF-REFLECTION

As a means to self-change, self-reflection rests on the tenet that there is neither widening of understanding nor self-control without self-monitoring as to one's achievments and values. One of the most basic difficulties in all therapy is precisely how to convince the 'patient' that only their own active self-determined behaviour will eventually solve their problems and that this is also within their power. A basic premise of the present approach is the universally-known truth that no-one can transform another person against that person's will. No 'therapist' or 'psychiatrist' can successfully 'cure' or 'heal' another permanently, only act as an aid to the self-understand and a catalyst to the self-cure of another.

This 'self-determination' takes place at the level of thought and only subsequently becomes the will to express thoughts/plans etc. in action. Personal autonomy is the ability to make up one's own mind and act in accordance with the decisions it initiates.

Just as one's physical environment obviously 'determines' the scope and types of available choices in many ways, so also does the family background and society. The many steps in personal development as a member of society - of 'socialisation', are formed by these. The social environment sets out both limits and possibilities for the growth of the personality. This formative influence sets the stage for a person's awareness and what has been those decisive, early decisions sometimes called 'existential' choices, such as what course to pursue, what to emulate or who to try to become etc. These choices are doubtless influenced to varying degrees and often in highly unique ways by early experiences of every type, from the traumatic through everyday routine to the ecstatic.

Our social and personal conditions can be brought into awareness by various means and the limitations they may have imposed can often be overcome with the aid of various methods that aim to combat the combined thralldom of past experiences and emotional binds that cause loss of autonomy.

A central rule in self-analysis is: Grasp the thought firmly and the act will eventually follow your conviction. Self-control is not securely attained in respect of any particular misuse or habit unless the unruly impulse or desire has finally been rooted out at the level of thought. Unless one has, through understanding, reached real conviction of what is good or ill in one's own behaviour, ambitions etc., one will not be secure against reverting to it again at some future date.

Trying to hinder a repetition of a physical action (such as speaking untruth, berating others behind their backs) will be futile if the thoughts from which it grew are not weeded out. Thoughts seed and reseed themselves, for good or ill, and it is when they are freshest and tenderest that the unfruitful ones can most easily be rooted out. This applies to any set of thoughts or emotional tendencies, however ingrained or compulsive they have become. Each recurrence must eventually be dealt with at the moment of their inception. The idea leads on towards intention and then allies itself with emotion or will to produce motivation. Opportunity allows motivation to become action and so the process grows, eventually producing flowers and fruits, whether poisonous or life-giving.

In the above way, even actions that have had lifelong negative influence on the psyche can be stopped and altered fairly soon. A variety of techniques have been used which aim to do this in a more or less radical fashion. Not all go right to the root of the problem, this not having been widely understood due to the prevailing misplaced blanket objectivism of science and of much psychology. Yet some go part of the way.

The positive approach, whereby constructive thoughts are encouraged and rewarded, is principally preferable and mostly more effective than the traditionalist, negative view that only rejects or censures destructive thoughts. Common humanism insists that people should never be punishable for their thoughts, only for bad or illegal actions. Even so-called 'behavioural' therapy techniques, as used in cases of destructive and behaviour and which attempt to work through physical conditioning, can be an effective first step that can be further developed towards self-understanding and a person's own control of mind.

The calming of the mind implies stilling of the emotions, which are what primarily move all of us to deeds. The 'controlling of wayward fancies' may be taken to refer more to all the more mental extravagances; the extremities of thought sought out by the analytical intellect, the 'creative' impossibilities of fiction and the long sufferings of the painful Odyssean wanderings of the speculative reason and imagination.

If one looks back to a previous mental outlook held much earlier in one's life, it is usually possible to see how the mind then 'fogged one's window on reality' in comparison with one's present outlook. If no improvement can be discovered then spiritual study and its disciplined application are clearly called for. Any improvement in clarity of vision and inner conviction can be seen, on deep reflection, to depend on the extent to which calming and controlling has been achieved.

SELF-SACRIFICE

Self-sacrifice, as widely conceived in moral and spiritual cultures, refers to the degree of detachment that is thought, felt or willed by us in relation to our actions and reactions towards both our inner impulses and outward events and possibilities in the surrounding world. The self which is sacrificed is the ego, not the true 'I', which transcends the ego.

The conditions of birth, health, family, society and epoch etc. (i.e. karma) each variously contribute to the nature and extent of the life challenges with which each individual is faced. The term 'sacrifice' here refers to the giving up of selfishness, which is at the same time to free oneself from temporal and worldly bonds and achieve greater equanimity. This is doubtless a long process for the great majority of people. Other words for sacrifice here are 'detachment', more preferably 'non-attachment' and also 'renunciation'. Non-attachment as a means to self-mastery was originally the goal - though often a much misunderstood one, of the deeper spiritual practices of most religions. Its many excessive expressions through history, however, such as in monastic renunciation of the world, mendicancy, self-punishments of almost every conceivable nature, have brought the very idea of renunciation into much disrepute, particularly in this super-materialistic epoch where maximum possible freedom of fulfilment of desires is hailed as the common man's philosophy and birthright.

Non-attachment lies in an attitude of mind, one of not being bound mentally or emotionally by pseudo-needs or superfluous desires. It does not depend on any specific objective deprivations (like non-ownership) or self-renunciations (like excessive fasting etc.). It is not attained simply by self-denial or by removing oneself from the objects to which one is attached or desires. It is never compatible, however, with intemperance or unbridled desire of any kind. Non-attachment is the product of much self-investigation and finds expression in appropriately restrained behaviour in relating to others, oneself and the world.

Self-discipline in thought and act, for example, is not easily achieved even in part unless its results are properly understood and there is sufficient conviction of the need for this form of 'self-sacrifice'. Any act of self-discipline - say dieting or reduction of use of stimulants - is a form of renunciation. It is the sacrifice of some deleterious habit in the interests of the common good and the greater self. By it one advances the good not only of one's own body and psyche but also in various ways the general good. Self-sacrifice can thus be to give up some temporary 'pleasure' for one's own long-term good... not as unnecessary and fruitless self-punishment. Scourging one's own body as a punishment for sins, for example, is a typical misconception of the value of self-sacrifice. Giving up all property but the begging bowl is an entirely misconceived 'renunciation', for it makes one a burden to others.

Many kinds of self-discipline and rules of living forward self-sacrifice. The entire subject of the individual's involvement in the economic and ecological sphere, because it always at bottom relates to drawing a clear line between personal needs and mere wants, bears directly on the type and degree of self-sacrifice that is called for in the common interest. This also implies a need for setting definite and reasonable limits to one's desires, which may be temporarily painful to the ego but which greatly enhances detachment because of the personal integrity and peace of mind that results. Awareness of environmental conditions and personal action to reduce undue strain on the ecology of which one is part, is one clear form of non-attachment.

True self-sacrifice is never contrary to the general good. It is a relatively advanced stage in the attainment of genuine self-fulfilment, while representing the values of non-violence and leading to peace of mind. It may be that a case of self-sacrifice does not achieve the particular result aimed for, but this in itself does not reduce the beneficial nature of of a good intention, which is what counts on the inner level. What is perhaps most often thought of as self-sacrifice in the Western world is the selfless service of others. This may well be an expression of self-sacrifice, and this depends entirely upon to whether or not it is done in a spirit of non-attachment, especially as regards the fruits of doing service. If service activities are done for praise, as a form of employment for gain or out of a mere sense of duty without a positive will, they cannot be considered self-sacrifice. Only when actions are dedicated to the good, in whatever shape or form one sees it, do they amount to purely selfless sacrifice.

Where there is no genuine self-sacrifice in a person's life, there can be little or no authentic self-knowledge. This follows from the experiential fact that self-sacrifice most often tends to enhance self-esteem.

SELF-FULFILMENT

A great deal has been said and written about self-fulfilment, originally and extensively in philosophy and theology, increasingly in psychology and offshoots from it in various areas of social life (business management, the workplace). For Socrates knowing oneself was the goal, which arose only as a result of practising the classical virtues such as moderation, courage, knowledge-seeking. A crucial element in Socrates' teaching, one that today's rationalists tend to regard as irrational, was listening to the inner voice or daimon. Socrates sometimes waited in unmoving contemplation for very long periods for this inner certainty. It has since been called the 'voice of conscience'. Conscience calls for right action, which is a prerequisite of any degree of self-realisation in the true sense of development of character and consciousness, transcendental love and universal realisation.

When asking who I am, I can therefore be asking in some mundane sense what are the various possible physical, psychical and perhaps also supra-physical origins of my own being. Reliable and partly demonstrable answers may come from the various sciences and partly from powers of memory, intuition, insight, and supra-empirical sources. This answer to who I am, however, may be intellectually satisfying without solving it in any deeper sense by stilling the restlessness of the questioning urge itself. The concerns of living and its worldly demands constantly works against our remembering this discovery and its implications.

When a parent corrects a child with the words "Remember yourself!", this contains an essential truth about how to behave, that we must act in accordance with our real nature and not behave badly by assuming some role that would spoil and discredit us. To act otherwise than is good is, in a real sense, to dis-member one's integrity. The further it goes the more one 'forgets oneself', as the phrase has it. Gurdjieff, a practical teacher of spirituality, taught that the key to his method was 'self-remembering'. This was a highly practical procedure - not a mystical short-cut to transcendence as was thought by some interpreter who were unable to understand this. But the method is not so easily applied with success, perhaps primarily because it has to attack the presumptions of each human ego that hinder honest, good, selfless action in everything we do, from the smallest to the largest matters. Self-remembering, taught Gurdjieff³, was the essential ingredient when trying to turn the many accumulated sorts of negativity in oneself into positive energy. One must realise, when negative emotions and thoughts arise apparently 'in oneself' that though I am harbouring negativity, it is not of the nature of my Self and I remember myself best when I think, feel and act well.

Suppose we have overcome the mental, and other difficulties that usually stand in the way of a person in reaching insight into the nature of the greater self as identity with a higher purpose and awareness. This does not satisfy more than the intellect, unless or until it in full awareness permeates the entirety of one's being as a constant illumination. It is widely held, though little researched, that the search for true identity through constant self-examination, is satisfied only by realisation of the Self in higher 'transcendental' experience, eventually of a spiritual or religious nature.

How are we then to discover the Self, the true unlimited 'I'? Or, what is part of the same question, how to remember that that is our identity? Remembering means again to be come mindful of something. Discovery of the self must evidently require repeated remembering of oneself, one's true and thus eternal nature, re-remembering until constant mindfulness of this identity is achieved. In another respect, remembering of ones true selfhood implies giving body to the idea, 're-membering' by bringing all the 'members of that body' - the Incorporeal Selfhood - together into one intense unity of consciousness. The various requirements and means towards this end are the subject of forthcoming chapters.

SELF-TRANSFORMATION AS EXPANSION

The progressive 'construction stages' of human personality development that must be undergone, understood and integrated. The rising segments are:-
Self-fulfilment
Self-renunciation
Self-reflection
Self-enjoyment
Self-trust

The understanding of what each of the above-mentioned 'construction stages' consists varies with the phase of development. This means that, for example, the ways in which person understands 'self-trust' at the practical level of his own daily life can be defined according to which level he or she is operating at the time.

Thus, we can draw up a very general outline of how each 'construction' stage appears from various levels of development - though not exact or directly applicable as such to individual cases. As follows:-

At each level of personal development, self-confidence and self-satisfaction are understood in ways determined by that level. Self-confidence and self-satisfaction appear to be derived from different sources as one progresses, as follows:-

1) reliance on bodily survival by physical means and overcoming the dangers of the environment. (Identity centered on lowest chackra)

2) identification with one's body, physical prowess and beauty, enjoyment of life through bodily pleasures such as food, sex, rest, sleeping and all entertainments related to physical action.

3) self-feeling through egoic control/mastery of one's circumstances and of other persons. All forms of social achievement for personal benefits - name, fame, wealth, pride - are sources of self-confidence and satisfaction in this level.

4) self-reliance based on one's ability to respect, trust, serve and love others, whether through work or leisure. Social conscience and unselfish engagement in worthy causes are based on the confidence of the unitary nature of society, recognising oneself in others and vice-versa.

5) sense of oneself from the inner recognition of one's own purposeful existence and the origin of higher purpose within (and outside) oneself. Self-enjoyment also arises from recognition of truth, stability of vision, peace of mind with oneself and deeper convictions.

6) selfhood deeply experienced in complete non-fixating consciousness.

7) higher awareness and understanding.